No Light, No Light
by Loud Mucker Complex
Summary: Gakupo would do anything to make him stay. Gakupo loves him, he does. "You can't choose what stays and what fades away," Len says to him, in a low, empty voice. A song-fic based on Florence and the Machine's song with the same title.


**No Light, No Light**

_A Mature __**Vocaloid**__ Fan Fiction_

_Featuring __**Kamui Gakupo**__ and __**Kagamine Len**_

_Based on the lyrics of __**No Light, No Lig**__ht by __**Florence + the Machine**_

* * *

Gakupo would do anything to make him stay. Gakupo loves him, he does.

"You can't choose what stays and what fades away," Len says to him, in a low, empty voice, to the mess in front of him, red wine pooling near his feet, licking his toes. He remains crouched, though he doesn't really do anything but stare at the glistening pieces of broken glass. "You can't choose whether you want me to stay or not, whether you still love me or not."

Gakupo can only stare at that hunched back, at that silky yellow hair, thinking about how well his fingers know the softness it possesses, how he already misses the feel of it, misses the whimpers Len makes when he pulls on it. He stays rigid, standing still just a few centimeters in front of the dining chair he had knocked back in his anger. He stares, and realizes what he's done for the first time.

"I can't choose for you, you know? I can't choose things that concern you, because, in the end, it's still your decision to make. And vice versa, Gakupo, you can't choose for me," Len continues, reaching out this time, pressing a small fragment of the glass with his index finger, not hard enough to break skin. "I can't choose what kind of a man you are, but I sure as hell can accept it. What's so hard about accepting what I am, though?"

What's so hard about it, he says. Gakupo tries to make the gear in his head work, trying to form words, but all he can think about is _stopping him from leaving me, no, don't leave, I can't, I love you, why now? I'll do anything—_"I'd do anything to make you stay."

Turning his head just enough for Gakupo to see the smile that doesn't reach his eyes, Len scoffs softly. "Anything but accept the fact that I'm not enough for you?"

Gakupo doesn't understand. "If I do, then you'll leave. What's the point in it then?"

"_Then_, what's the point of _me_ staying when you still come home smelling like someone else? When you still have all those numbers in your contacts? When you still throw things at me when I make mistakes?" With a slightly lower voice, almost a mutter, Len closes his eyes, "When you still keep forgetting that I _was_ here to stay…?"

"So it's 'was' now?" Gakupo asks, frowning. "You never told me anything. You never said you'd stay."

Len's head snaps to his direction so fast, causing him to lose his balance a little. He steadies himself with a palm to the floor, ignoring the pinpricks of broken glass that sink into his skin and flesh. "Who the fuck are you kidding?!" he screams, getting up and stalking to Gakupo.

It's a painful slap, a powerful one fueled by anger, enough to get the message across. But Gakupo is sure that Len is only hurting himself—both mentally and physically. Gakupo can bear the stinging little slices from the broken glass in Len's palm, the hot pain blossoming in the flesh beneath. But he can't even start imagining how hurting Len is right now.

"What the fuck are you saying? Why do you think I stayed for five fucking years? Why do you think I put up with you?" Len spits out, and Gakupo wishes he would stop clenching his fists.

Gakupo moves his eyes from staring at a blank spot on the wall, turning to look at the shorter man. _How can you be so angry while there's no light in your bright blue eyes? _"I don't know, Len. After all, I can't let myself think that you've chosen to stay, right? That you've chosen to love me?"

Len is silent, then. It's now his turn to just stand and stare, eyes locked onto Gakupo's violet ones, not even blinking, not moving an inch. Gakupo can hear his own heart beating, pumping fear and anticipation into his whole body as he waits, and waits, and waits. In the spaces in his head that aren't filled with the moments' details, Len is filling the spaces inside. The Len he'd known all these years, wondering what's going on in his head. What if there's a thousand other faces inside? Gakupo disappearing in plain sight as Len thinks about someone else to come home to after this?

When he moves, Len startles Gakupo. He turns around, not saying anything, moves toward the door of the apartment. He grabs his coat and puts it on, not even wincing nor worrying over his wounded hand. He crouches to shove his feet into his sneakers, leaving them untied, and stands up. He stands there for a while, waiting for something to happen—for Gakupo to _make_ something happen. For Gakupo to choose. For himself to choose. But nothing comes, and he chooses to say, "I know you want a revelation, you want to get this right. But this is a conversation I just can't have tonight."

And before Gakupo knows it, he's gone.

* * *

**A/N:** Oh my God, what have I done.

And always, always an endless string of thank yous and I love yous I'm blasting through the space that's separating us, for **dellums**, my beautiful beta. She's the one who introduced the song to me in the first place. I feel like this is for her.


End file.
